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  Reclaiming Hope

  By Shell Taylor

  Sequel to Resurrecting Hope

  Home for Hope: Book Three

  Four years ago, Kollin Haverty’s best friend, Riley Meadows, dropped off the face of the earth. When he shows up out of the blue, armed with a flimsy excuse for disappearing and having nearly completed his transition from female to male, Kollin wants to pick up where they left off. But Riley’s unwillingness to be honest with Kollin prevents him from fully trusting Riley again. Despite Riley’s insecurities and Kollin’s abandonment issues, they quickly discover there’s something more than friendship between them.

  When a ghost from Riley’s past unexpectedly appears with haunting memories in tow, Kollin’s anger about being lied to outweighs his desire to be the understanding boyfriend Riley needs. As Riley’s web of strategically withheld secrets begins to unravel, he must find the courage to pursue his own peace before he can move forward with Kollin, and Kollin must decide what’s more important—supporting his best friend or protecting himself.

  Table of Contents

  Blurb

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  More from Shell Taylor

  Readers love the Home for Hope series by Shell Taylor

  About the Author

  By Shell Taylor

  Visit Dreamspinner Press

  Copyright Page

  For everyone who believed in me and, more importantly, believed in Kollin. I hope I’ve done him justice.

  Acknowledgments

  HOME FOR Hope wouldn’t be real without the first people who told me that Kollin’s story needed to be told. Without that first push, Adam’s and Eli’s stories would have remained locked in my head, and I never would’ve found myself on this incredibly fulfilling journey. Thank you to everyone who has supported me along the way, whether by a gentle suggestion that other people would like my writing, by prereading, by buying my books, by reviewing, or by just knowing it would happen.

  Special thanks to the wonderful staff at Dreamspinner Press for giving me this opportunity. The entire team has been wonderful to work with, and I’m blessed to have learned so much through partnering with you.

  Massive thanks to Adéle, Beth, Jayme, Shelli, and Sue for their incredibly valuable feedback on Reclaiming Hope. And for the many times you talked me down and assured me I wasn’t totally botching this one.

  Chapter 1

  KOLLIN HAVERTY glanced away from his computer screen to ogle the other patrons of the bookstore. Next to his table, a young couple talked animatedly about their summer plans as they browsed the sci-fi section. The guy had sandy blond hair and a dimple that popped up on his right cheek every time he smiled. Kollin allowed his gaze to linger on the guy’s handsome face a moment longer and then returned his attention to his studies. If he didn’t stop getting distracted, he was about three random hot guys away from flunking his psych final.

  The chair across from him scraped against the wooden floor, and Kollin gritted his teeth, both irritated at the interruption—there were plenty of other open seats nearby—and relieved for another distraction.

  “Seat taken?” a rough voice asked.

  Kollin looked up. The owner of the voice looked familiar, but Kollin couldn’t place where he’d ever seen him. They’d probably shared a class together at some point, but then again, Kollin didn’t think he’d forget that guy if they’d spent three months in the same room. While the stranger’s face wasn’t particularly distinctive, his hair was shaved close on the sides but left long on top, with platinum blond streaks. Several hoops hung from his ears, and Kollin noted not only a nose ring but also a hoop adorning his bottom lip.

  Kollin waved toward the chair as he continued to stare. “All yours.”

  “Thanks.” The stranger looked nervous, but he shoved his hands in his pockets and sat down.

  Kollin offered a smile and returned his attention to his notes.

  He hadn’t even finished reading a sentence when the guy spoke again. “You come here often?”

  Kollin held back a laugh. He recognized a pickup line when he heard one, but he wasn’t expecting to get cruised at Barnes & Noble while wearing ratty sweats. The guy was cute enough, though. He had a little more facial hair than Kollin preferred—there was just something he loved about a smooth face on a man—but he definitely had potential.

  Kollin abandoned his notes and sat back in his seat to give the guy his full attention. “Not really. My little sister was having a meltdown at home, so I came here to get some cramming in before my last final tomorrow.”

  “You have a little sister?” He sounded surprised. Too surprised for a random guy chatting up a stranger in the local bookstore.

  “Uh… yeah. She’s twelve.” Kollin fiddled with his pen. “I’m sorry. Do I know you?”

  A ghost of a smile spread over the stranger’s face, and his features softened as he shook his head and looked down at his hands. “No, no. I’m sorry. I can tell I’m bothering you. I’ll let you get back to your studying.”

  The guy was gone before Kollin even realized he’d left his chair.

  “COME ON, Koll,” Lizzie whined. “They let you do whatever you want. Please, please, please, convince Adam to give me my phone back.”

  “They don’t ‘let me do whatever I want.’ I just know how to work them. And that does not include whining about punishments. You really think I could’ve gotten out of a punishment if I were failing school? As strict as Eli is about earning good grades?”

  Lizzie stomped her foot. “Math is stupid. That’s why they invented calculators. It’s not like I’ll need to solve algebra equations to actually do anything.”

  Kollin looked around the multipurpose room at The Center for HOPE, the LGBT safe haven that his adoptive father, Adam Lancaster, founded and ran. Most of the tables were full of students preparing for the upcoming end-of-year exams. Not his sister. Not the girl who was one bad grade away from failing math. Lizzie’s scowl showed the righteous indignation that every twelve-year-old seemed to master. Why shouldn’t she be able to pout, bat her eyelashes, and get her phone back?

  When she moved in almost three years earlier, Kollin had quite possibly been more excited than anyone. Lizzie joining them was concrete evidence that Adam and his other adoptive dad, Eli, wanted a family. Kollin had never shaken the feeling that he might be more of an obligation than a son after Adam and Eli took him in when his birth parents abused him and kicked him out. Logical or not, Lizzie coming to live with them served as Kollin’s lightbulb moment. He finally understood that Adam and Eli truly wanted him in their lives for good.

  Lizzie proved to be a challenge, though. Her parents died in a tragic accident when she was only four, and after a short stint with a worthless aunt and uncle, she entered the foster system. Old enough to remember her parents and how much they loved her but too young to understand why she had to live with strangers, Lizzie struggled to keep her temper in check. As a result, time and time again, she was passed over for adoption.

  She was just as difficult for Adam and Eli when she first moved in, but Kollin spent as much time with her as he could.
Slowly, he gained her trust and convinced her that she’d found a home where she didn’t need to fear rejection. Kollin’s constant support and assurances eased her worries about being different because of her skin color, her struggles at school, and her sassy attitude. With Lizzie’s trust placed firmly in Kollin, he was able to bridge the gap between Lizzie and his dads. By the time the adoption finally went through, Lizzie had become a mischievous, stubborn bundle of energy, and none of them could imagine their lives without Elizabeth Constance Jones Langley.

  Kollin would do anything for his sister, and she damn well knew it.

  “I’ll talk to Eli. See what I can do. Maybe if I promise to supervise you doing your homework, he’ll give in a few days early.”

  “But Adam’s the one who took it away from me.”

  Kollin rolled his eyes. “Trust me. Eli’s your best bet at getting that phone back early. Just make sure they see you studying, and try to look like you actually care about math. Okay? And stop bugging the shit out of them about it. That’s annoying as hell.”

  Lizzie grinned and grabbed Kollin around the neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ll clean your room for a week.”

  Kollin laughed. “No you won’t, but thanks for pretending.”

  “If you get my phone back, I’ll at least clean it once.”

  “Whatever, Squirt. Get outta here so I can finish this presentation for Adam.”

  “But I don’t have anything to do,” Lizzie complained.

  “Uh… you could do your homework. Maybe even in Dad’s office, to show you’re making an effort.”

  Lizzie huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “Can’t. He’s in there with some guy I’ve never seen before.”

  “Oh?” Kollin glanced at the door. “Someone who might need the inn?”

  Home for Hope, the inn Eli helped Adam buy and renovate into a safe house for LGBT youth, was completely full, and some of the rooms even housed multiple occupants. Adam had plans to build an extension so an additional twenty beds could help keep as many youth off the street. Kollin would spend the summer helping Adam oversee the addition and gaining invaluable experience, not only in his business minor but also his human services studies.

  Lizzie shrugged. “Dunno. He didn’t look too bad off. Kinda cute actually. Dad hugged him when he walked in, so I guess they know each other.”

  Kollin frowned. He volunteered at HOPE as often as possible, but that didn’t amount to much with a full college course load. He’d missed being there so much that he moved back home his sophomore year and drove the fifteen-minute commute to NC State’s campus. Even so, he missed out on a lot going on around the center. That guy could be anybody.

  “Ooh. Here he comes,” Lizzie whispered and not so subtly nodded her head toward the doorway.

  Sure enough, Adam had his arm around someone Kollin shouldn’t have known but immediately recognized.

  “I saw that guy at the bookstore a couple days ago. He talked with me for a few minutes,” he whispered.

  “Looks like you’re about to see him again,” Lizzie whispered back and then put on her sweetest smile. “Hi, Daddy.”

  “Still not getting your phone back.” Adam put his arm around Lizzie’s shoulder and kissed the top of her head. “And hi, baby.”

  Lizzie rolled her eyes and straightened her soft, brown curls back into place. “I wasn’t even gonna ask this time.”

  “Yeah, okay.” Adam rolled his eyes to mimic her and then turned his attention toward Kollin. “Look who the cat dragged in.”

  For some reason, Kollin’s heart fluttered. Waves of nervousness raced through his body as he tried to figure out why Adam thought he should know the stranger. He’d never told either of his parents about meeting the guy at the bookstore, and even if he had, Adam couldn’t have known he was the same person.

  The man studied the ground, seemingly reluctant to look at Kollin, but Kollin knew he couldn’t identify him even if they were staring directly at one another.

  Fortunately Adam saved him from further embarrassment. “I didn’t recognize Riley until he threatened to own me in Ping-Pong.”

  Kollin sucked in a huge gulp of air. The nervous flutters, which had been nothing more than a curious enigma, ceased, and he suddenly felt as if a boulder had settled in the pit of his stomach.

  He hadn’t spoken to Riley Meadows in over four years. When Kollin’s parents kicked him out, Riley had been the one who kept Kollin sane. He tethered him to reality when all he’d wanted was to escape inside himself. They’d kept in touch when Riley first went to college and somehow became even closer—until Riley seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. Phone calls, e-mails, texts… all unanswered. Kollin eventually took the hint and gave up.

  Now Riley was back?

  “Hey, Kollin.” Riley shoved his hands in his pockets and peeked up at Kollin.

  “Hey, Ri,” Kollin said, feeling dumb that he’d had an entire conversation with him a few days ago but had no clue. Riley looked completely different. He had clearly taken huge steps in his transition when he went rogue, but Riley’s new look wasn’t limited only to the steps he’d taken toward gender transformation.

  Riley’s formerly brown, shaggy hair was cut shorter around the back and sides. He’d left the top longer and added the blond streaks that had grabbed Kollin’s attention in the bookstore. The piercings in his nose and lip were new, and Kollin could only remember Riley wearing modest studs in each ear. Riley’s jaw had squared some, and he’d slimmed down but bulked up in muscle. He didn’t look remotely close to the same person, but when Kollin looked carefully, he could still see Riley. His eyes hadn’t changed, and he still rubbed the tips of his fingers together when he was nervous. A trio of freckles graced the side of his neck, and Kollin recognized a faint scar on Riley’s forearm that he knew came from the time Riley thought he could jump out of a tree when he was a kid.

  Kollin should have recognized his best friend. “I, uh… didn’t know you were back in town.”

  Riley shrugged. “It was a last minute thing. Sorta.”

  “Oh.” Cleared that right up.

  After a moment of awkward silence, Adam spoke up. “Riley, this is Elijah’s and my daughter, Lizzie. Liz, Riley used to be a regular at HOPE, before he went away to college.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Lizzie offered Riley a small smile and then turned to Kollin and screwed up her face, clearly expecting him to take over.

  A fat lot of help she was.

  Kollin scrambled for something to say. Why did you abandon me? Did I really piss you off so badly that I deserved so many years of silence? Why didn’t you tell me who you were the other day? Everything that popped into his head seemed accusatory and inappropriate for the moment. He felt so flummoxed he couldn’t even come up with a sarcastic icebreaker.

  “So—”

  “I—”

  Kollin stopped talking so Riley could finish his sentence, but Riley must have had the same intention, and once again, the four of them stood in uncomfortable silence. Adam furrowed his brow at Kollin, but Kollin gave a tiny shake of his head. He’d figure out the mess with Riley on his own.

  Adam took the hint and clapped his hands together once. “This has been fun, but I need to get back to my office and finish some work so we can get home on time. I’ll let you guys catch up.”

  Seeing her opportunity, Lizzie grabbed Adam’s arm. “Can I come with you? I want to start studying for my next math test so I can get back the thing that I’m not supposed to talk about anymore.”

  “Subtle, but come on.” Adam offered Riley and Kollin a wave on his way out.

  Kollin slid his foot across the carpet and pushed out a chair on the opposite side of the table. He didn’t take his eyes off his old friend as Riley sat, still silent, and fiddled with his thumbs on top of the table. Strangely enough, Riley’s nervousness settled Kollin’s erratic emotions.

  “So,” Kollin said. “‘You come here often’ was the best you could come up wit
h?”

  Riley spat out a laugh and looked up at Kollin through long eyelashes. “Sorry about that. I didn’t know what to do when you didn’t recognize me.”

  “I think, ‘Hey, Kollin, it’s me, Riley,’ would’ve worked well.” Kollin tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but Riley cringed, and he knew he’d failed.

  Good. Riley deserved to know he’d hurt him.

  “It’s been so long… I wasn’t sure how that would go.”

  “Yeah. About that. I’m assuming by the way you look that you haven’t been held captive in some dark basement without access to a phone or e-mail. Even a carrier pigeon would’ve sufficed. So….” Kollin looked hopefully at Riley and wished he would offer an explanation good enough to ease some of the resentment currently churning around in his heart. Naturally empathetic and forgiving, Kollin rarely held a grudge. But he needed some sort of explanation for being dumped.

  In fact, Riley looked so pitiful sitting across from him, wringing his hands as he searched for the right words, that Kollin knew Riley could offer some lame, half-assed excuse, and he would put the entire mess behind him. But he needed something to explain why he’d lost his best friend.

  Riley finally looked up and met Kollin’s eyes. “Long version might take a while, but the short of it is… I needed to get my shit together without dragging you down. I was slowly falling apart back then, and you had enough to worry about.”

  Anger flooded Kollin. “Come on, Ri. That’s bullshit, and you know it. It sucked when Adam bailed, but in what world is being abandoned by you somehow better than being your friend when you needed one? I would’ve been there for you.”

  Riley shrugged. “Maybe so. But it’s too late now, and there’s nothing I can say to make it better, except I’m sorry. I know now it was a shitty thing to do.”

  Riley had always been difficult to read. Kollin used to think that’s why he had so much trouble making friends. Not many people were willing to make the extra effort it took to get to know him. It was a shame, really, because he was one of the kindest and funniest people Kollin had ever met. But Riley seemed to have perfected hiding his feelings over the years.